Iker Casillas
I feel sleepy and my head hurts, but why? ... Did Pepe kick me in the back of the head? ... Did someone throw Cristiano's baby at me? ... Whatever it is, someone's probably going to blame my girlfriend for it. ... And now -- now I feel like crying. ... But I can't. I can't do that anymore. ... Come on, Iker. Be a tough guy. ... Be tough, Iker. You don't have to cry about every little thing that happens to anyone anywhere. ... Even if it's a small child coming up to you after a match and saying thank you for winning the World Cup and- ... Maybe if I keep my face buried in the grass no one will see my tears...
Steven Gerrard
Eskimo kisses!
Jorge Rodriguez
OooooOOOO-OOooooo! ... This is my new super awesome goal celebration. ... Everyone is going to be so jealous of how awesome it makes me look. ... I think I'm going to call it The Guapo Man. ... Oh. Yes. ... Also, the hand ears are key to this whole thing. ... God, I bet I look so awesome right now. ... I bet the people looking at me are like, 'Whoa! Whatever Jorge is doing is not only making my loins explode, but also making me crave Caesar salad." ... Everyone is going to be walking around town doing this all the time, trying to look like me. ... I wish I could see how awesome I look right now. .... The only downside is that doing this really makes me tired...
Didier Drogba
Time for Didier's hair tips -- NO IT'S NOT IT'S TIME FOR THE DISGRACES! ... First, when I scored my wonder goal against Bolton, Kalou said that it really wasn't that great even though I know for a fact that he can't do better. That's an insulting f***ing disgrace. ... Then, this David Luiz transfer story has been dragging on so long that Kitier Katba has relieved himself on 78 papers carrying it. That's a tedious f***ing disgrace. ... Then, as a related bit of information, I think Kitier has some kind of bowel problem. That's a gross f***ing disgrace. ... Then, there were those times those two bald referees who probably make up transfer rumors in their spare time cheated us out of the Champions League. That...that was a...
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