1. ME GOING BACK TO CELTIC -- I JUST MADE THIS ONE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT INVOLVES ME GOING BACK TO CELTIC TO RESUME BASHING RANGERS WITH THE LETHAL WEAPON THAT IS MY FOREHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT THEN IT MADE ME REALIZE HOW MUCH I MISS GLASGOW AND THEN I HATED THIS JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH APRIL FOOLS' DAY IS TERRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!! TERRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!
2. FULHAM PLAYERS TO BE FORCED TO PERFORM MOONWALK GOAL CELEBRATION -- THIS IS JUST STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY DOES THE DAILY MAIL INSIST ON BEING AWFUL AT EVERYTHING?!?!?!?!?!?!? THEY SHOULD HAVE SAID THAT A ZOMBIFIED MICHAEL JACKSON HAS COME BACK FROM THE DEAD AND WILL FEAST ON THE BRAINS OF DAMIEN DUFF!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS A MUCH BETTER APRIL FOOLS' JOKE!!!!!!!!! AND IT'S TERRIFYING!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. FERNANDO TORRES' CURSE BREAKING CEREMONY -- THIS IS THE MOST BORING CURSE BREAKING CEREMONY I EVER HEARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER IF THEY SAID FERNANDO TORRES WAS GOING TO EAT BACON ON TOP OF STAMFORD BRIDGE UNTIL HE VOMITED ON HIMSELF!!!!!!!! THAT IS WHAT I DO BREAK CURSES!!!!!!!!! EVEN THOUGH IT HAS NEVER WORKED FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4. CORN -- ONCE AGAIN THE CORN PULLED OFF AN APRIL FOOLS' TO MAKE YOU ALL THINK THAT IT IS A HARMLESS AND DELICIOUS VEGETABLE AND ONCE AGAIN YOU ALL BOUGHT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT THE CORN IS WINNING?!?!?!?!??!?! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT IT WILL SOON ENSLAVE US ALL?!?!?!?!??!!??!
5. PORTUGAL SELLS RONALDO TO SPAIN -- THIS IS NOT FUNNY!!!!!!!!! IF POLAND EVER TRIED TO SELL ME TO ANOTHER COUNTRY I WOULD ROUNDHOUSE KICK THE MUSTACHE OFF THE PRESIDENT'S FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THEN I WOULD WEAR IT AROUND TOWN UNTIL I FELT GUILTY AND DECIDED TO GIVE IT BACK TO HIM WITH A NOTE THAT SAID "I'M SORRY I KICKED THE MUSTACHE OFF YOUR FACE!!!!!!!!!"
6. PREMIER LEAGUE CLUBS FIGHT FOR MARTA --WHO THOUGHT THIS ONE UP RICHARD KEYS AND ANDY GRAY?!?!?!?!?!?!? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MAYBE IT WAS THE CORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7. PETER CROUCH'S TRANSVESTITE SCANDAL -- THE THOUGHT OF PETER CROUCH WITH A TRANSVESTITE MADE ME BLACK OUT AS SOON AS I READ IT!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M NOT SURE WHY!!!!!!!!!!! BUT WHEN I WOKE UP I HAD MAPLE SYRUP ON MY FACE AND THERE WERE BURNT WAFFLES EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!! EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!! ANYWAY RETIRED RONALDO WILL TELL YOU THAT TRANSVESTITE SCANDALS ARE NOT FUN APRIL FOOLS' JOKES!!!!!!!!
8. TAYLOR SWIFT RETIRING FROM MUSIC -- SOMEONE TOLD ME THIS BUT I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S ANY APRIL FOOLS' OR NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OHMYGOD IF THIS IS TRUE I'M GOING TO EAT COOKIE DOUGH ICE CREAM UNTIL MY BRAIN FREEZES SO MUCH THAT IT SHATTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHATTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- SO MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI CAME BACK FROM GLASGOW THIS WEEK AND WHEN HE CAME OVER TO PICK UP HIS GOOBER KIDS AND THANK ME FOR WATCHING THEM I TOLD HIM THAT I PUT THEM IN A BOX AND SENT THEM TO CLEVELAND OHIO WHERE THEY WILL JOIN A LOCAL FRINGE CIRCUS AND HAVE TO MAKE THEIR OWN MONEY TO SURVIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE KIND OF LAUGHED AND THEN ASKED ME WHERE THEY REALLY WERE!!!!!!!!! I TOLD HIM THEY WERE IN CLEVELAND OHIO AND PROBABLY LEARNING HOW TO EAT FIRE WHILE RIDING A SMALL DOG!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH I HAVEN'T DECIDED IF THIS IS GOING TO BE AN APRIL FOOLS' JOKE YET!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!
Photo: Getty Images
No comments:
Post a Comment