bobblyp3535: Napoli give WAGs ‘golden rules’ list to make their players champions

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Napoli give WAGs ‘golden rules’ list to make their players champions

Sitting six points behind Milan in the Serie A table, Napoli are doing everything they possibly can to try and win their first Scudetto since 1990. And that apparently includes convening a WAG summit for the ladyfriends' of the club's players and instructing them how to behave as if they were children.

At the Donn'Anna palace in Naples, Jacqueline De Laurentiis, wife of eccentric Napoli owner and producer of such films as Men Men Men and Yuppies 2 Aurelio De Laurentiis, hosted the women for a meal of bresaola, shrimp, artichoke and butternut squash risotto. Then they were each given a handbook entitled, "You married a footballer: The golden rules to make him a champion."

From Eurosport:

They were then presented with a list of eight 'golden rules', translated into each of their native languages, on how to help their footballer partners achieve glory.

"Behind every great man is a great woman," La Gazzetta dello Sport quoted one of the instructions as reading.

"Great players become such when they feel that way, particularly in their minds. Make sure your partner always feels great.

"We are counting on you for the last five matches of the season so please avoid useless family tension."

Well that sounds incredibly sexist. It also sounds more like advice that would create insufferable egomaniacs more than successful human beings and good team players.

Anyway, since just that one awful rule was revealed by La Gazzetta dello Sport, I've taken it upon myself to provide the other seven. So, here they are (as I imagine them to be)...

2.When you catch your husband cheating (and you will sooner or later), be sure not to assault him below the waist. Especially if it's 24 hours before a match.

3. Always keep your hands a safe distance from Marek Hamsik's mouth.

4. Try to seduce Zlatan Ibrahimovic as a way to sabotage Milan. Since Gerard Pique started dating Shakira, Zlatan has been on the prowl for a rebound.

5. Refrain from telling Edinson Cavani that he looks like the kid from Mask.

6. Speaking of Shakira, having a nervous breakdown during matches is not advisable.

7. The Maradona Rule: Keep your husband away from the nose candy. And tell him to pay his damn taxes.

8. Stay away from John Terry.

So there you go, ladies. Rules to live by.