Landon Donovan?s Gold Cup Adventure of Epic Broportions

It's been a busy week for Landon Donovan and the U.S. national team. Between traveling to attend his sister's wedding and the team's run to a big Gold Cup final matchup against Mexico, he's logged a lot of miles. So, Landon has once again put his experiences in words. The following is a transcript of his latest correspondence with his friends and family back home.

Sup doods?

It's been a minute since we've been in bromunication. I've been real busy, I'm sure you've heard about it on ESPN and stuff. First thing we need to cover... my sister's wedding. Absolutely redic. I was lookin' fresh to death in a blue rental tux-sweet-o, and you know it's not hard to tell which dude killin' it on the dance floor is the world famous soccer star. In short: I'm a phenomenal dancer. Don't act like you didn't already know that. The entire time the ceremony was going on I was just twitching to rage. Once it finished out and the bouquet was tossed it was straight to the reception... what's good.

Shrimp cocktail. Open bar. All the single chickita cousins of my sister's husband. Place was legit. I was everywhere... like Browen Wilson in Wedding Crashers. I made it a goal of mine to smash about eight rum and stokes before I hit the floor. Had to make sure the limbs were loose. Once I stepped out there all the mamis knew what was up.

But yeah, get this... I get back from my sibling nuptials and rejoin up with the brodeo that is Camp USA at the Gold Cup, and stiffly stifferson Bob Bradley, with his cueball dome piece, tells me I'm not starting against Jamaica. Anyway. What about Clint Dempsey? He was getting after it just like I was at his sister's wedding. And they're from Texas, they were probably eating rattle snakes and shizz. Why should I be penalized just because I got a little saucey in the bathroom with cousin Betty?

Regardless, I came off the bench and provided my usual dankness. To be honest, that was so long ago I can't even really remember. I periodically black out just to make sure I never stop striving to be the greatest. Can't dwell on those past accolades and accomplishments. Carpe diem, brosef.

Next up was vengeance against Panama. Hard fought match last night. I was once again started on the pine, only to fly in like a superherbro at the end to receive that lush through ball from Fred and then snipe Clint at the far post with a low-lazer cross. Victory. Just another final for Landy on deck. See you brahs there. Nothing gets my broner extended like a championship.

Source: http://sports.yahoo.com/soccer/blog/dirty-tackle/post/Landon-Donovan-s-Gold-Cup-Adventure-of-Epic-Brop?urn=sow-wp2705

Andrea Pirlo Didier Drogba Daniel Alves