Well hello there.
I see you've caught me recording you. I suppose after doing it so many times you were bound to catch me one of these days. Ha-HA! ... Yes, I know what you want to ask me about. How can I possibly be this irresistible to you? Well, it probably has to do with my debonair nature and my pungent, cheese-like odor. Ha-HA!
Yes, I know what you really want to ask. Why wasn't I -- Manchester United's greatest ever player and leading goal scorer -- even on the bench during the Champions League final? The answer is really quite simple. Before the match, Sir Alex came to me for advice as he often does and once I enlightened him with my Berba-brilliance, he broke the news. "Mr. Handsome," he said. "If we played you against Barcelona, they would surely end up feeling worthless in the presence of your tremendous goal scoring Berba-bilities and your unparalleled eroticism. This just isn't fair to them." And being the gentleman that I am, I agreed. So, instead of leading Manchester United to yet another victory, I held a soiree in my carpeted van where mayonnaise flowed like wine and several tramps described it as "the best party since that time they met Mario Balotelli." Ha-HA!
Anyway, since it has become Berba-bundantly clear that my sensual talents are too overpowering for Manchester United, I think it might be time for The Berba to move elsewhere. .... Shhh-shhh. I know such a thing is difficult to hear, but I'm afraid it must be done. And so, you might not find The Berba hiding in your clothes hamper as often this summer, as I will have to search for a sexy new challenge with a club that can handle my powers and my aroma. If you need someone to caress your body in order to help you digest this news, then I will begin caressing right now...
Oh-OHHH! You just hit me with my own camera? Oh, you broke it too! Oh, for something so small, it still hurt a lot! Oh, this is awful. Now I not only have to find a new club, but I also have to find a new camera before Michael Owen notices that I borrowed his. I'm not going to have any time to give out free, unwanted massages at all this summer.
Join us again next time for another chapter in the life of...The Continental...
Photo: Reuters
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