Source: http://soccerphile.blogspot.com/2011/03/fifa-world-rankings-march-2011.html
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Madrid ? Barcelona CL Semifinal Liveblog v1.0
Source: http://www.barcelonafootballblog.com/8518/madrid-barcelona-cl-semifinal-liveblog-v10/
Life Lessons: Sit Down, Shut Up, Behave
Source: http://www.worldcupblog.org/world-football/life-lessons-sit-down-shut-up-behave.html
Menez reportedly had rocks thrown at his car on drive home
Stating that you could be leaving the club and arguing with your manager in training are not good ways to endear yourself to the fans. Unfortunately, Jeremy Menez recently did both of these things and then followed that up by making an appearance as a substitute in Roma's Coppa Italia semifinal loss to Inter on Tuesday. And with that trifecta of miserable elements come reports that Roma ultras threw rocks at Menez's car as he drove home from the match.
From Football Italia:
It is now reported by news agency ANSA that hooligans threw rocks at his car when he was driving home from the Coppa Italia defeat to Inter on Tuesday night.
The report suggests his windscreen was broken and the police have launched an investigation.
Menez was unharmed in the alleged attack.
Well, if he wasn't certain that he wanted to leave before, this should do it. Even if the rocks said "We love you, Jeremy" and "Please don't leave us," chances are he probably didn't take it as a friendly gesture.
Photo: Getty Images
Real Madrid v Real Zaragoza ? Preview, Prediction, TV Listings, and Betting Odds ? La Liga (Primera Division) ? 30 April 2011
Wayne Bridge still isn’t shaking John Terry’s hand
Almost exactly one year after Wayne Bridge made a point to skip John Terry in a pre-match handshake line because of spurious newspaper rumors that his former teammate slept with his ex-girlfriend/mother of his son, he did it again. This time on-loan to relegation-threatened West Ham, Bridge kept his head down and looked past Terry as the Chelsea captain shook the hands of every other member of the West Ham starting XI while flanked by two young mascots.
Who still cares about this played out soap opera, you may ask? Well, apparently Wayne Bridge still does. Even though the papers eventually choked out apologies for those "untrue" rumors. Even though he's given up his international career just to avoid Terry. And even though Terry was renamed England captain after losing the armband as a result of all this, Wayne Bridge is still quietly stewing and trying to get some kind of passive-aggressive public revenge. Which is a shame. Not because he's wrong to hold a grudge (even if it is unfounded) or dislike John Terry even if its for no reason at all, but because it's now become clear that he's really only hurt himself over his year of doing this and still hasn't moved on.
Anyway, here's a silly picture of two grown men not shaking hands.
Photo: Getty Images
People care that Becks wore medal wrong at the royal wedding
Well, Davey Becks ruined the royal wedding. He was the only footballer invited to the shindig and he ruined the whole thing. William and Kate will probably get divorced. The United Kingdom will surely crumble. And it's all Davey's fault.
It's been noted numerous other places, but if you haven't heard and you're somehow looking at the above picture of a nicely dressed man standing beside his wife and not seeing the pedantic mistake he made once he put on his custom Ralph Lauren suit, well -- he's wearing his Order of the British Empire medal on the wrong lapel. It's apparently supposed to be on his left lapel and he's wearing it on the right. He was awarded the order in 2003 and it seems he hasn't read the directions for wearing the thing yet.
But in Beckham's defense, this is a whirlwind trip for him. He's flying right back to the U.S. to try and prove he does care about MLS by making an effort to play in the L.A. Galaxy's match in Dallas on Saturday. Which will also be a glamorous event. At Pizza Hut Park.
UPDATE: Rejoice! Because it appears that once Davey got inside Westminster Abbey, someone clued him in on how to wear his OBE medal before the ceremony began...
Still, he pretty much ruined the whole wedding.
Photos: Getty Images
Related stories on Yahoo! Sports:
? The 2011 NFL Mock Draft of English Monarchs
? The American sporting royal family tree
? Complete royal wedding coverage
Peter Vagenas catches on in Vancouver
Vagenas (Pasadena/St. Francis HS and UCLA), 33, was with the Galaxy for nine seasons, including both MLS Cup triumphs, captaining L.A. to the 2005 MLS Cup/U.S. Open Cup double.
A heady central midfielder, Vagenas played the last two seasons with Seattle, was traded to Colorado in November and became a free agent when Colorado declined his contract option in December. He trained a few weeks with the Galaxy while waiting to join a club in Japan, but last month's earthquakes and tsunami put the J-League on hold -- the league resumed play last weekend -- and ended Vagenas' planned move.
Vagenas has played in 223 MLS games, playoffs included, 197 of them starts, and scored 16 goals with 29 assists. He also has played for the U.S. national team three times and was part of the U.S. side that reached the semifinals at the 2000 Sydney Olympics.
"Peter is an experienced MLS player that reads the game well and is strong technically," Whitecaps head coach Teitur Thordarson said in a statement. "He will bring additional leadership to our squad, as we head into an important stretch of our season."
Source: http://espn.go.com/blog/los-angeles/soccer/post/_/id/7752/peter-vagenas-catches-on-in-vancouver
Football News from the Future: Balotelli crashes royal wedding
I've kept it a secret (until now), but I recently built a time machine that allows us to intercept football related news reports from the future. Why only football news and not things that are actually important? Stop asking questions and take a glimpse at what the future holds.
The Royal Family was left stunned on Friday when professional footballer Mario Balotelli invaded the reception at Buckingham Palace following Prince William's nuptials to Kate Middleton. Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall was treated for shock and Several high-ranking officials have already been sacked for letting Balotelli and his stunning behavior spoil an otherwise dazzling event.
When asked by the Queen herself why he would arrive uninvited, the Manchester City footballer responded, "Because I can." He then threw darts at her, prompting Royal Guards to ask him to stop. He didn't.
Balotelli, who had numerous swear words carved into his hair and wore an equally offensive T-shirt with jean shorts (otherwise known as "jorts"), appeared out of nowhere midway through the reception. He and a man he introduced as his brother attacked the canapes with complete disregard for invited guests who had not yet eaten. He then spit the half-chewed Royal morsels on the floor, loudly declaring them to be not to his liking. It is understood that this caused David Beckham to recoil in horror.
Prince William valiantly attempted to defuse the situation by asking the men to leave, but the Italian international laughed in his face and made him self-conscious about his hair. Balotelli then pulled out a wad of cash and shoved it into William's trousers, stating that it was "�100 less than I gave a homeless guy last night."
Balotelli was finally subdued and removed from the premises when a quick-thinking Royal Guard threw a bib over his head before telling guests to stand back. The 20-year-old struggled to put it on and eventually passed out.
When reached for comment, Manchester City manager Roberto Mancini shouted "MARIOOOOOOO!" and shook his fist in the air for several minutes in an exaggerated manner.
Photo: AP
Friday, April 29, 2011
Stephen Burbank Cancels 2011-12 NFL Season
Source: http://www.davesfootballblog.com/post/2011/02/02/stephen-burbank-cancels-2011-12-nfl-season/
This is what the Copa del Rey looked like after getting run over
Former Real Madrid player Ruben de la Red tweeted this picture of the condition of the Copa del Rey trophy after Sergio "The Trophy Killer" Ramos dropped it under the moving bus. It looks like the top of the base popped off, the neck got bent and the cup appears to be squished. That should keep jeweler Federico Alegre (the trophy's creator) busy for a while.
And while he's making the necessary repairs, he might want to go ahead and Ramos-proof the thing. Maybe attach a layer of Nerf material to the outside of it or just put an electric field around it that gives The Ramos a severe shock whenever he gets too close.
Is Mancini crazy?
Roberto Mancini is a man who surely isn’t an idiot. After all, he has been in charge of one of the most famous clubs in the Premier League for quite some time now and is a very well-respected manager across Europe. However, you really do have to call into question the man’s sanity when it’s [...]
Source: http://www.footballnewsblog.co.uk/premiership/is-mancini-crazy/
Electric Wheel Chair Pitch Invader
Source: http://soccerprose.com/soccer-fans/electric-wheel-chair-pitch-invader/
This is what the Copa del Rey looked like after getting run over
Former Real Madrid player Ruben de la Red tweeted this picture of the condition of the Copa del Rey trophy after Sergio "The Trophy Killer" Ramos dropped it under the moving bus. It looks like the top of the base popped off, the neck got bent and the cup appears to be squished. That should keep jeweler Federico Alegre (the trophy's creator) busy for a while.
And while he's making the necessary repairs, he might want to go ahead and Ramos-proof the thing. Maybe attach a layer of Nerf material to the outside of it or just put an electric field around it that gives The Ramos a severe shock whenever he gets too close.
Is time up for Ancelotti?
After winning the domestic double in his debut season with the Blues, many expected Carlo Ancelotti to be the right man to bring home Chelsea’s holy grail of titles in the form of the Champions League. But after a tremendous start to the 2010/2011 campaign, Chelsea’s form dramatically turned following the sudden sacking of coach [...]
Source: http://www.footballnewsblog.co.uk/premiership/is-time-up-for-ancelotti/
Let the Big Guy Run One Back
Source: http://www.davesfootballblog.com/post/2010/12/20/let-the-big-guy-run-one-back/
Thursday, April 28, 2011
A beautiful animation of Barcelona’s 5-0 win over Real Madrid
From Richard Swarbrick, the man who created the brilliant Gareth Bale animation last month, comes another artistic representation of footballing greatness. This time, Swarbrick worked with Barcelona's 5-0 win over Real Madrid earlier this season and, really, this is way all Barcelona matches should be broadcast.
The menacing look of Jose Mourinho adds a fantastical touch to the whole thing, but it does appear David Villa's soul patch has been excluded from this artistic rendering. Which is a bit of revisionist history if you ask me.
Still, as well done as this is, I think Richard should have done an animation of Sergio Ramos dropping the Copa del Rey under the bus instead.
5 positives for Bolton fan who quit job to attend 5-0 loss to Stoke
This isn't Waggy, just one of many other incredibly depressed Bolton fans.
As we mentioned last Friday, 50-year-old Bolton fan Ian "Waggy" Wagstaff quit his job as a sheet metal worker in Australia and paid �1,000 on flights and tickets to attend Bolton's FA Cup semifinal match against Stoke at Wembley. That decision didn't work out so great for poor Waggy, though, and Stoke ended up stomping an uncharacteristically hapless Bolton side by a score of 5-0. Given that, it's probably safe to say that Waggy is having a pretty awful Monday. So here five positives ways Waggy can look at all this, assuming he hasn't already plunged into a sadness coma.
1) At least it wasn't 10-0. See, it could have been much worse. When you think that it could have been a 10-0 final score, 5-0 is only half as bad as that. Of course, the only reason it didn't get that out of control might have been that Stoke felt bad for your team and decided to go easy on them. So, that might actually be worse.
2) It didn't rain. What's worse than quitting your job and paying �1,000 to watch your team lose 5-0? Quitting your job and paying �1,000 to watch your team lose 5-0 while getting drenched. Of course, the weather back in Australia was probably much nicer, as it usually is.
3) You're a 50-year-old man. Now you can go crazy and have a mid-life crisis without having a boss to threaten to fire you if you don't shape up. Of course, it will be hard to buy to a sports car and fancy haircut when you have no income, but maybe if you sit outside the car dealership looking unfathomably sad (which shouldn't be too hard right now), they'll just give you a new ride for free? Or they'll have you arrested. But hey -- you don't have to pay rent in jail!
4) Hmm. Let's, uh, let's skip ahead...
5) If Bolton ever get bought by a foreign billionaire, start winning loads of trophies and attracting glory hunters from all corners of the earth, the laws of football fandom will require them all to be your slaves. "Oh, you like the club because we started winning everything? Well in 2011, I quit my job, paid��1,000 that I had no business parting with and traveled all the way from Australia to watch Bolton lose 5-0 to Stoke -- yes, Stoke -- at Wembley. Now make me a sandwich and go find me a job." Of course, the chances of Bolton getting bought by a foreign billionare probably aren't very high.
I hope these ways of looking at this dire, nightmarish situation help you, Waggy. Godspeed. And remember that most squirrel meat is probably diseased.
Photo: Getty Images
CHIVAS USA: Moreno scored with '15 hairs'
Alejandro Moreno's exasperation was apparent. Another question about his goal in last weekend's victory at San Jose? Really?
The Venezuelan forward has been asked again and again about the goal at the end of the first half, the Goats' first in a 2-1 comeback triumph that made Robin Fraser a winner for the first time in Major League Soccer. It was, officially, a header from Heath Pearce's free kick that bounced inside the left post, but repeated viewings of the play have many believing Pearce should have received credit.
If you believe that, Moreno says, "well, you would be wrong."
MLS's statisticians agree, confirming Monday that the goal was Moreno's, his second this season and 48th in nine-plus MLS seasons, including one in Columbus' playoff run toward its MLS Cup 2008 title.
Pearce, in his third MLS season after four years in Denmark and Germany, has never scored in 40 league outings.
"I haven't seen the replays, but if he said he touched it, I assume he touched it. So it's his goal," Pearce said after the Goats' training session Wednesday. "I just tried to put the ball in a dangerous spot, and he got his head on it, so he got a goal."
The close-cropped Moreno said the ball hit him "in about 15 of the hairs in front of my head" and that Pearce "knows I touched it. From his angle, he could see me getting up for the ball and touching it. I can't argue against the TV angles, all I can tell you is I touched the ball."
Pearce, who has played at left back most of his career but has played at center back the past 4� games, acknowledges he'd like to hit the net one day.
"Everybody loves to score goals. Even goalies like to score goals," he said. "It's something I would love to do at some point in my career."
This one, he'll let Moreno have. And he does get credit for an assist, his eighth in MLS.
Source: http://espn.go.com/blog/los-angeles/soccer/post/_/id/7740/chivas-usa-moreno-scored-with-15-hairs
Napoli give WAGs ‘golden rules’ list to make their players champions
Sitting six points behind Milan in the Serie A table, Napoli are doing everything they possibly can to try and win their first Scudetto since 1990. And that apparently includes convening a WAG summit for the ladyfriends' of the club's players and instructing them how to behave as if they were children.
At the Donn'Anna palace in Naples, Jacqueline De Laurentiis, wife of eccentric Napoli owner and producer of such films as Men Men Men and Yuppies 2 Aurelio De Laurentiis, hosted the women for a meal of bresaola, shrimp, artichoke and butternut squash risotto. Then they were each given a handbook entitled, "You married a footballer: The golden rules to make him a champion."
From Eurosport:
They were then presented with a list of eight 'golden rules', translated into each of their native languages, on how to help their footballer partners achieve glory.
"Behind every great man is a great woman," La Gazzetta dello Sport quoted one of the instructions as reading.
"Great players become such when they feel that way, particularly in their minds. Make sure your partner always feels great.
"We are counting on you for the last five matches of the season so please avoid useless family tension."
Well that sounds incredibly sexist. It also sounds more like advice that would create insufferable egomaniacs more than successful human beings and good team players.
Anyway, since just that one awful rule was revealed by La Gazzetta dello Sport, I've taken it upon myself to provide the other seven. So, here they are (as I imagine them to be)...
2.When you catch your husband cheating (and you will sooner or later), be sure not to assault him below the waist. Especially if it's 24 hours before a match.
3. Always keep your hands a safe distance from Marek Hamsik's mouth.
4. Try to seduce Zlatan Ibrahimovic as a way to sabotage Milan. Since Gerard Pique started dating Shakira, Zlatan has been on the prowl for a rebound.
5. Refrain from telling Edinson Cavani that he looks like the kid from Mask.
6. Speaking of Shakira, having a nervous breakdown during matches is not advisable.
7. The Maradona Rule: Keep your husband away from the nose candy. And tell him to pay his damn taxes.
8. Stay away from John Terry.
So there you go, ladies. Rules to live by.
Photos: Reuters, SSCNapoli.it
Other popular stories on Yahoo! Sports:
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If it continued… (Spurs v Arsenal)
Wednesday's North London Derby got off to a breakneck start with three goals in the first 12 minutes and ended with Spurs coming back from 3-1 down to earn a draw. The match had a bit of everything and probably should have resulted in a win for Spurs, which brings us to that old question...what if it continued?
97' -- After being taken off at halftime due to injury, Gareth Bale tells the team doctors to step back as he heals himself. They are so impressed by this that none of them realize he hasn't scored a goal since January 1, 2011.
101' -- Nicklas Bendtner's own inability to score finally hits him and clashes with his supreme self-confidence. As he experiences self-doubt for the first time, he spontaneously combusts in a spectacular explosion.
102' -- Andrei Arshavin laughs like a wheezy elf.
113' -- Rafael van der Vaart scores to complete his hat trick, yet continues to be less awesome than his wife Sylvie.
115' -- Arsene Wenger realizes that he needs to change his approach, makes mental note to bring a gun to next match.
120' -- Getting bored with sitting on the bench, Jens Lehmann pops out to fill Wojciech Szczesny's car with asbestos.
124' -- Samir Nasri is confused when he receives a telegram inviting him to play on the LPGA tour. He can't wrap his head around the fact that telegrams still exist.
126' -- William Gallas decides that no matter how much he helps his former club by making "mistakes," they still won't win. He tells Gomes to abort their Spurs sabotage mission, but Gomes has no idea what he's talking about.
130' -- Cesc Fabregas preemptively claims he was misquoted in an interview he will do next month where he repeatedly says on video that Arsene Wenger is dumb and he can't wait to play for Barcelona.
134' -- Getting desperate, Wenger resorts to calling Harry Redknapp a "wheeler dealer."
135' -- Redknapp snaps, claiming that he is "not a wheeler dealer!" The match is abandoned after he beats several members of his own staff with a Wii controller in his blind rage.
Photo: Getty Images
Miami Heat?s LeBron James secures minority share in Liverpool
Beautiful El Classico Animated (Video)
Source: http://soccerprose.com/soccer-fans/beautiful-el-classico-animated-video/
Inler refuses to celebrate great goal because opposing fans love him
Gokhan Inler opened the scoring in Udinese's 2-1 win over Napoli on Sunday with a tremendous strike from distance. But instead of ripping off his shirt or doing cartwheels or organizing his teammates in a recreation of a scene from "The Godfather," he just walked away like someone who just had to shoot their favorite horse.
Given the stark contrast to the unbridled joy with which most goals are celebrated, this raised some questions. Namely, people wondered if he refused to celebrate because he's in talks to move to Napoli this summer. But Inler says that's not the case at all. You see, he's just super respectful.
From Football Italia:
"I have many friends in Switzerland who are Napoli supporters and they asked me not to score. Out of respect to them, I responded that way," said Inler.
"I had also done it in the Coppa Italia against Milan for the same reason, but all this chaos hadn't happened that time.
"My heart is black and white and I think I proved that with my performance against Napoli. I'm sorry if I offended anyone, as it was not my intention. Once I got back to the locker room, I shouted my joy and embraced my teammates.
"My future has absolutely not been decided and I haven't signed for another club."
How sweet. Now if his agent can just refrain from saying anything that will cast doubt on everything Inler just said...
"He didn't celebrate out of respect for the Napoli fans, as he knows that they love him," claimed agent Lamberti.
So, yeah, looks like he'll be in a Napoli shirt come June.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Dutch club VVV-Venlo sign 1-year-old child
YouTube videos have led to a number of footballers getting signed by clubs around the world, but this might be the first time it's worked for an 18-month-old. It's very much a publicity stunt, but the popular YouTube clip of young Baerke van der Meij kicking balls into his toy chest caught the attention of relegation-threatened Dutch top flight club VVV-Venlo and prompted the club to sign him to a 10-year professional contract. Though, it is made clear that the contract is a "symbolic" one.
From the Telegraph:
The toddler joined VVV's star midfielder Ken Leemans during a training session in De Koel Stadium on Tuesday before being offered the "symbolic" contract.
"The toddler's favourite position has not yet been determined. However, we can speak of a right-footed player with a very good kicking technique, perseverance and, importantly: football genes via his grandfather," said a VVV Venlo press release.
Baerke's grandfather used to play for the club and his family still lives in the city of Venlo.
As silly as this whole thing is, VVV-Venlo really did a great job of selling it, even going so far as to have the little boy attend a press conference and sign a contract. Well, scribble on one, anyway. Here are some pictures from the event...
Between the fauxhawk, the runny nose, and the satisfied look on his face, I'd say little Baerke has a bright future ahead of him.
Of course, Arsenal has long been the subject of jokes about signing young players, so we'll have to wait and see how it reacts to seeing an 18-month-old signed by another club. Someone is probably trying to figure out how to have a fetus sign a contract right now.
All photos: VVV-Venlo's official website
MLS Power Rankings: 2011 Week 6
Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/WVHooligan/~3/BvH3VtbO5P4/
Kenny Dalglish tells off Arsene Wenger, pretends he didn’t
Arsene Wenger enjoyed the penalty that led to a Robin Van Persie spot kick that gave Arsenal a 1-0 lead on Liverpool in what was supposed to be the� eighth and final minute of added time, but the one that gave Dirk Kuyt a spot kick of his own to equalize in the 11th minute of added time? Not so much. So, when the whistle finally blew, Wenger approached Kenny Dalglish with his arms outstretched as he voiced his displeasure with the penalty that didn't benefit his side. And Kenny wasn't having any of it.
"It's a penalty. Piss off!" Dalglish shouted at Wenger with a dismissive hand gesture. And when Arsene shook his head and turned around, Kenny emphasized his point by yelling, "It's a penalty! F*** off!" (Video here...until it gets taken down.)
Later, Wenger explained his side of it to the press (via the Telegraph):
"I said to Dalglish it was not a penalty," said Wenger. "That was all. You can check it on the television. I feel we were hard done-by. We conceded a penalty after 11 minutes when the referee said there was eight minutes of injury time. I don't see where those three minutes came from and it was no penalty.
"We were told after the free-kick [before Eboue's challenge], it's game over. Lucas stopped in his way and stopped his run. Ebou� goes for the ball not the player."
As for Dalglish, well, he's pretending that he didn't actually say those sweary things that could be heard clear as a Wayne Rooney tirade over the television broadcast...
"My opinion about the two penalty decisions is that there was one right and one wrong," he said. "I don't know why a conversation between managers on the bench is of any relevance after a game like that. I just told him there I still owe him dinner. There's no problem."
When it's a "conversation" as awesome as that one was, it's not only relevant, it's also highly entertaining. Also, I really hope these two go to dinner now. And bring a Sky Sports crew with them.
Should the NCAA Tournament Be More Like the UEFA Champions League?
This Is What Being a Football Fan Looks Like?
Source: http://www.davesfootballblog.com/post/2011/01/25/this-is-what-being-a-football-fan-looks-like/
Schalke 04 v Manchester United ? Live Blog ? Champions League ? 26 April 2011
NFL Owners? Con Game Hits a Snag
Source: http://www.davesfootballblog.com/post/2011/03/02/nfl-owners-con-game-hits-a-snag/
Nothing Spices Up International Friendly Week Like Match-Fixing
There were pregame rumblings that the [...]
Best Bets April 26/27: What to watch/where to go
TUESDAY, APRIL 26
TELEVISION
UEFA CHAMPIONS LEAGUEManchester United (England) at Schalke 04 (Germany)
Fox Soccer Channel and Fox Deportes, 11:30 a.m.
United needs to maneuver through two legs with to set up a dream final against Barcelona on Real Madrid, and it starts in Gelsenkirchen, where Schalke has lost only four of it last 20 games. Including Saturday's to Kaiserslautern. Replay: Fox Soccer Plus, 2 p.m.; Fox Deportes, 3 and 8 p.m.; FSC, 5 and 8 p.m.
ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE
Wolverhampton at Stoke City
Fox Soccer Plus, 11:40 a.m.
Wolves can climb out of the relegation zone with a draw or a victory, but they really need the win. There are five clubs in the race, and three of them are headed to the second-tier Championship, and a road win here sends Wolverhampton ahead of the other four. Replay: 5 p.m.
COPA LIBERTADORES
LDU Quito (Ecuador) at Velez Sarsfield (Argentina)
Fox Deportes, 6 p.m.
Both clubs have one South America's club championship before -- the Ecuadorans just three years ago -- but only one of them is headed to the quarterfinals. The knockout stage begins with this first-leg clash.
Dimitar Berbatov is…The Continental
I see you've caught me posing for an old magazine cover. Yes, my eyes really are the same color as a stick of plutonium in The Simpsons. And yes, they are just as hazardous to your health. Ha-HA! ... No, there isn't anything I would like to say about Manchester United's match against Manchester City over the weekend. Let's talk about literally anything else instead. Some suggestions: The erotic feeling of mayonnaise behind your ears, the macroeconomic situation in Honduras, and how much you want to kiss me.
Again, no, I do not want to discuss Yaya Toure's goal, Paul Scholes continued inability to control himself, or the end of Manchester United's treble dreams. All of those topics are scientifically proven to be unsexy and not at all erotic. Just keep gazing into my Simpsons plutonium eyes and wonder why I'm all wet. I'll give you a hint: I haven't taken a shower in weeks and it didn't just rain. Ha-HA!
Why didn't I score in the FA Cup semifinal even though I had two great chances that were virtually impossible to miss? Well, there are two reasons. 1) As the Premier League's leading scorer and Manchester United's greatest ever talisman, I felt compelled to give someone else a chance to be the hero for once. Sadly, The Berba remains Man United's only sensual superstar. And 2) My mind drifted to thoughts of you, the most gorgeous of all the Berba-beauties, and how much I want to rub my unnervingly large eyebrows all over your forearms. Ha-HA!
Oh-OHHH! I just noticed that the magazine edited out my open invitation for the middle-aged women of Norway to join me in a private class about erotic taxidermy. Oh, this explains so about the lackluster attendance for those classes over the last 10 years. Oh, this is so much worse than anything that happened on Saturday involving Yaya Toure, my inability to score or Mario Balotelli.
Join us again next time for another chapter in the life of...The Continental...
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
DTotD: Randers manager hits reporter on the arm, gets sacked
Ove Christensen was voted Denmark's manager of the year last season for saving Randers from relegation in the SAS-Ligaen. This season, however, the club is once again in serious danger of going down and coming off two straight losses by a combined score of 8-1. So after their most recent drubbing at home against Brondby on Monday, Christensen was not in the mood for this reporter's baiting interview tactics. So, he concluded the testy exchange by smacking the reporter on the shoulder and trying to pass it off as an aggressive and sarcastic way of saying "good job."
This awkward moment would prove to be Christensen's final act as Randers manager, though, as he was sacked on Tuesday. The club says he was dismissed in a bid to avoid relegation and not because of this. But this probably didn't help his cause.
Video via 101gg
Juan Agudelo and Teal Bunbury Play Twitter Feud
Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/WVHooligan/~3/dv5pfK5e8XM/
L.A. BLUES: Wrap Caribbean trip with draw
Cesar Rivera's early goal was enough for the L.A. Blues to escape the Caribbean with a draw Saturday night, a 1-1 decision against River Plate Puerto Rico giving them a 3-0-1 mark -- and a substantial lead in the third-tier USL Pro's International Division -- following their first week of action.
Rivera scored in the 12th minute from a long pass by former Galaxy defender Mike Randolph, but Eloy Matos pulled River Plate, which has a minor link to the Buenos Aires club, even in the 58th.
Both teams finished with less than 10 men. Rivera was sent off in the second half for the Blues, and River Plate (0-0-2) lost Martin Morello and Yaniel Bermudez.
The Blues play their home opener next Sunday against division rival Antigua Barracuda -- one of the clubs they beat on their Caribbean trek -- at Cal State Fullerton's Titan Stadium. Kickoff is 5 p.m.
Source: http://espn.go.com/blog/los-angeles/soccer/post/_/id/7673/l-a-blues-wrap-caribbean-trip-with-draw
Andrei Arshavin conducts greatest Q&A ever, part XVIII
On the same day we made our 17th expedition into the odd interactions between Andrei/ey Arshavin and the readers of his official website, yet another posting of questions and answers was made that has so far gone unexplored. Until now. The URL on this one ends in "666" so strap in for some weirdness from the depths of doom. You've been warned.
1. From Semenovasvetlana
Andrey! Hello. Where can I buy tickets for the game Arsenal - Manchester United that will be held on May 1, 2011? We got registered on the Arsenal official web-site but didn't manage to buy the tickets because they were all sold out in 10 minutes:
(we already bought the tickets to London and booked a hotel). We really want to fulfill our dream and go to the Arsenal derby. The other sites, that sell tickets to this game, charge too much. Maybe you know somebody who sells discount tickets? Sincerely, Svetlana and Alexey
AA: Guys, I know it's a big problem. Especially when it comes to such matches.
In fact, there is only one solution: to find profiteers,
who sell tickets before the match. But I do not think you will
be able to get a good discount from them, there won't be any.
Not only is Andrei Arshavin a footballer, author and designer of women's clothing, he's also apparently a ticket agent. I really don't think Arsenal or the Premier League would appreciate him referring fans to shady ticket touts milling around the stadium before matches, though. Then again, he did compare Arsenal's next away kit to "jockey's clothes" last time, so obviously the rules do not apply to him.
2. From sachav84
Hi Andrey, one summer, I was on holidays with family on Martinique and ran into Gael Clichy, I asked him to send you my regards. I wonder if he did it.
AA: He and his wife are from this place. It is not surprising that you saw him. He didn't give me your regards though.
Way to rat out your teammate and disappoint sachav84 all the same time, Andrei. It's like your son's birthday wish was for you to not be able to tell a lie or something. Yes, I'm fairly certain the film Liar Liar was loosely based on your life.
4. From Ramasila
Andrey, is it true that you're being transferred to Milan?
AA: It's a lie
Hmm now that could be a lie.
6. From Kateee
Hello! We were on the same flight but I didn't take your autograph…. My brother, who is a big football fan, was about to kill me for that ...)))
AA: Next time, if he keeps you alive, we'll try to correct
this situation, if, by any chance, we happen to be on the same flight again.
In other words, no, Andrei will not send you an autograph, Kateee.
7. From Evgeny23
Hello, Andrey. My name is Zhenya. Unfortunately I didn't manage to become a footballer, so I do dancing ... What do you think about dancing? Do you love to dance? Back when I was playing football I was a goalkeeper, by the way, don't you need a young keeper in Arsenal?)))
AA: Dancing is great. But I wouldn't say that I am a big fan of moving my body to the beat.
Now that is definitely a lie. Ladies and gentlemen, I present Exhibit A:
11. From gusevthebest
Hello Andrey. What do you think about your weight 69 kg and your height 172 cm?
AA: I weigh more than 69 kg.
Alright, so he is incapable of telling a lie.
14. From Pogrebnyak29
Andrey, do you communicate with footballers from any other English teams, for example from Chelsea orTottenham .... Maybe you go out together to restaurants or something?
AA: Yes, I do communicate with two naughty boys :) from Chelsea and Tottenham. We go to concerts, theaters together, not only to restaurants.
Referring to Yuri Zhirkov and Roman Pavlyuchenko as "naughty boys :)" makes me wonder what kind of "theaters" the Russian trio go to. Which then conjures images of Arshavin watching a porno and giggling his way through the whole thing.
And with that scene firmly implanted in your head, we come to an end. Until next time.
Photo: Getty Images
Managers Talking, Talking About Managers, and Other Monday Notes
Couldn’t agree more.
We briefly interrupt Monday’s Liverpool news and notes with news and notes of a rather bluer1 hue, as everybody’s favourite Spanish striker who defected to a London club during the January transfer window finally broke his increasingly impressive goaless streak. Yeah, I know. Dayum shame. Still, it was fun [...]
The Worst NFL Playoff Team Ever
Source: http://www.davesfootballblog.com/post/2011/01/03/the-worst-nfl-playoff-team-ever/
More links! And the ball-spinning linesman!
All the stuff being covered outside the unfriendly confines of the award-winning Dirty Tackle...
Showoff. [YouTube]
Bayern Munich's new kit. It includes a Ke$ha reference. [The Beautiful Gear]
The Velvet Underground and Raul. [Run of Play]
Lucas Leiva: An appreciation. [LBitCR]
Too many Clasicos? Not even close. [AFR]
A David and Goliath relegation battle in Argentina's Clausura. [The Football Ramble]
Promotion and relegation won't be coming to MLS any time soon. [MFUSA]
The line between art and results in football blurred a long time ago. [The Score]
Rio Ferdinand has a stalker. [Unprofessional Foul]
Manager of Peru's Club Universitario de Deportes put up for sale online. [The Beautiful Blog]
Arsenal to demand royalty payment every time ball is passed. [The Gaffer]
The Continental and Little Berba in comic form. [Studs Up]
The Future of the U.S. National Team Is 4-5-1
Source: http://www.davesfootballblog.com/post/2010/11/17/the-future-of-the-us-national-team-is-4-5-1/
Highest Football Club Wages
Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/soccerlens/~3/ikRg_C3yN1A/
Monday, April 25, 2011
Barcelona should not take Shakhtar lightly
Barcelona are many people’s favourites to win the Champions League this season and it is hard not to agree given some of the scintillating football they have displayed over recent years. The Catalan side went out in the semi-final stages of the Champions League last season, as they were looking to achieve a miraculous repeat [...]
Source: http://www.footballnewsblog.co.uk/uefa-champions-league/barcelona-should-not-take-shakhtar-lightly/
Karl Lagerfeld Does Les Bleus
And it is a painfully, painfully good looking shirt – it’s a wonder they didn’t drop adidas decades ago.
[So Foot]
Source: http://www.worldcupblog.org/world-football/karl-lagerfeld-does-les-bleus.html
If it continued… (Spurs v Arsenal)
Wednesday's North London Derby got off to a breakneck start with three goals in the first 12 minutes and ended with Spurs coming back from 3-1 down to earn a draw. The match had a bit of everything and probably should have resulted in a win for Spurs, which brings us to that old question...what if it continued?
97' -- After being taken off at halftime due to injury, Gareth Bale tells the team doctors to step back as he heals himself. They are so impressed by this that none of them realize he hasn't scored a goal since January 1, 2011.
101' -- Nicklas Bendtner's own inability to score finally hits him and clashes with his supreme self-confidence. As he experiences self-doubt for the first time, he spontaneously combusts in a spectacular explosion.
102' -- Andrei Arshavin laughs like a wheezy elf.
113' -- Rafael van der Vaart scores to complete his hat trick, yet continues to be less awesome than his wife Sylvie.
115' -- Arsene Wenger realizes that he needs to change his approach, makes mental note to bring a gun to next match.
120' -- Getting bored with sitting on the bench, Jens Lehmann pops out to fill Wojciech Szczesny's car with asbestos.
124' -- Samir Nasri is confused when he receives a telegram inviting him to play on the LPGA tour. He can't wrap his head around the fact that telegrams still exist.
126' -- William Gallas decides that no matter how much he helps his former club by making "mistakes," they still won't win. He tells Gomes to abort their Spurs sabotage mission, but Gomes has no idea what he's talking about.
130' -- Cesc Fabregas preemptively claims he was misquoted in an interview he will do next month where he repeatedly says on video that Arsene Wenger is dumb and he can't wait to play for Barcelona.
134' -- Getting desperate, Wenger resorts to calling Harry Redknapp a "wheeler dealer."
135' -- Redknapp snaps, claiming that he is "not a wheeler dealer!" The match is abandoned after he beats several members of his own staff with a Wii controller in his blind rage.
Photo: Getty Images
Michael Vick Can?t Afford to Wait on a New Contract
Source: http://www.davesfootballblog.com/post/2010/12/14/michael-vick-cant-afford-to-wait-on-a-new-contract/
Menez reportedly had rocks thrown at his car on drive home
Stating that you could be leaving the club and arguing with your manager in training are not good ways to endear yourself to the fans. Unfortunately, Jeremy Menez recently did both of these things and then followed that up by making an appearance as a substitute in Roma's Coppa Italia semifinal loss to Inter on Tuesday. And with that trifecta of miserable elements come reports that Roma ultras threw rocks at Menez's car as he drove home from the match.
From Football Italia:
It is now reported by news agency ANSA that hooligans threw rocks at his car when he was driving home from the Coppa Italia defeat to Inter on Tuesday night.
The report suggests his windscreen was broken and the police have launched an investigation.
Menez was unharmed in the alleged attack.
Well, if he wasn't certain that he wanted to leave before, this should do it. Even if the rocks said "We love you, Jeremy" and "Please don't leave us," chances are he probably didn't take it as a friendly gesture.
Photo: Getty Images
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Match Preview: Liverpool v. Birmingham City, 04.23.11
Five matches left, three of which come at home, and still an outside shot at European qualification. I suppose that’s still the goal, even if the competition Liverpool are fighting to work their way isn’t that flashy and has a set of guidelines that’s [...]
Source: http://liverpool.theoffside.com/team-news/match-preview-liverpool-v-birmingham-city-04-23-11.html
Dalglish needs to remember where he?s come from
Kenny Dalglish has managed to inject a much needed sense of stability into a Liverpool side lacking precisely that prior to his appointment as manager. With Dalglish a legend in the eyes of many of the players and, of course, the Anfield faithful, he has inspired his side to great things on the pitch while [...]
Source: http://www.footballnewsblog.co.uk/premiership/dalglish-needs-to-remember-where-hes-come-from/
Liverpool 5, Birmingham City 0: With Ease
Liverpool have had “easy” wins at various points throughout the season—West Ham and Aston Villa at Anfield come to mind quickest—and have seemed dominant without really hitting top gear. Today was somewhat similar, as the guests rarely threatened and Liverpool had [...]
Source: http://liverpool.theoffside.com/premier-league/liverpool-5-birmingham-city-0-with-ease.html
The United States Learns About Bad Decisions
Apparently the United States national team made a video before their trek to Italia ‘90, in which it’s proclaimed “I never lose because I’m a champion”. Which is [...]
Source: http://www.worldcupblog.org/world-football/the-united-states-learns-about-bad-decisions.html
DTotD: Shakhtar couldn’t bring Messi down
We've seen videos compiling the futile efforts to take down Leo Messi like this before. Well, Shakhtar Donetsk are the latest bunch to try everything short of taking a chainsaw to him and only getting left in his wake for their efforts.
After watching this clip, I've decided that trying to tackle Messi is like trying to tackle a ghost. The outstretched legs of Shakhtar players trying to put him on his face just seem to go right through him as he continues on toward the goal.
This is why we need Barcelona to play against Man City (or Argentina to play against the Netherlands). The battle between Messi and Nigel De Jong's tackles of doom would be worthy of having an opera written about it.
Video via 101gg
Saturday, April 23, 2011
They Take Youth Football Seriously In Poznan
Source: http://www.davesfootballblog.com/post/2010/12/28/they-take-youth-football-seriously-in-poznan/
DTotD: Wagner gets ankle stomped
Gaziantepspor's Wagner was just laying on the pitch and minding his own business, when Fenerbahce's Diego Lugano decided to hop over him. Except he didn't make it all the way over and instead planted his studs in Wagner's ankle.
And just by watching that, your own ankle has probably exploded from the vicarious terror. You're welcome.
Video via 101gg
Source: http://sports.yahoo.com/soccer/blog/dirty-tackle/post/DTotD-Wagner-gets-ankle-stomped?urn=sow-wp972
Two Cl�sicos Down, Two To Go
Ronaldo Given Fish In A Barrel For His Selecao Sendoff
Well, so long as you’re one of the greatest players to have ever graced a football pitch with your otherworldly abilities.
Ronaldo asked the Brazilian federation for a sendoff friendly with the Selecao, and they have obliged with one of the most lopsided games in football history: the 2002 World Cup-winning [...]
DTotD: An extreme wedgie at Celtic’s training ground
(Warning: Contains momentarily exposed man butt.)
It's all fun and games at the training ground until someone gets dragged like a human sled by their underpants. Actually, that apparently qualifies as fun and games, too. At least it did at Celtic's training ground when club captain Scott Brown and his teammates pounced on staff member Bill Styles like a horde of crazed hyenas, pulling down his pants and then dragging him across the grass by the strained elastic of his underwear.
Everyone found it quite funny when Styles was left with his rear end exposed and clutching his completely destroyed undergarment. Styles will get his revenge, though, by having night terrors about this incident for the rest of his life. And by "revenge" I mean "anxiety attacks."
Video via 101gg
Friday, April 22, 2011
MLS Power Rankings, Week 6
The 3-0 victory, and Henry's first goal since Sept. 11, ought to quiet the unrest among the Red Bulls' faithful, who jeered the oft-injured French superstar as he received on-field treatment for a knock against the Earthquakes. When he netted the third, in the 87th minute, he saluted the crowd, then pointed his name on the back of his jersey, a message, perhaps, not to underestimate him.
New York's stars will be in So Cal shortly. They play against the Galaxy at Home Depot Center on May 7.
This week's rankings:
1. REAL SALT LAKE (4-0-0), Last week: 1
Week 5: Fabian Espindola is offside for the winner in a 1-0 Rocky Mountain Cup decision over Colorado, Javier Morales' beauty forgets a 2-2 draw at Monterrey in the first leg of the CONCACAF Champions League
Remark: Even up with Monterrey heading home? With two away goals? RSL will take that, but captain Kyle Beckerman's absence will hurt
Local hero: Goalkeeper Nick Rimando (Montclair/Montclair HS and UCLA) is one of the league's best
Next: Wednesday vs. Monterrey (Mexico) in second leg of the Champions League final, 7 p.m. (Fox Soccer Channel); April 30 at Portland, 7:30 p.m. (MLS Direct Kick)
2. GALAXY (3-1-3), Last week: 2
Week 5: Cards hurt in scoreless draw at Toronto FC, shorthanded L.A. gets goals from Chad Barrett, Omar Gonzalez for 2-1 victory in Chicago
Remark: Depth, options limited by Leonardo's ACL injury, but A.J. DeLaGarza will step in seamlessly
Local hero: Sean Franklin (Palmdale/Highland HS and Cal State Northridge) has evolved into one of MLS's best on the right flank
Next: Saturday vs. Portland at Home Depot Center, 8 p.m. (Fox Soccer Channel)
3. NEW YORK RED BULLS (2-1-2), Last week: 4
Week 5: Rodgers, MLS's Player of the Week, and Henry combine to swat San Jose, 3-0
Remark: That's the Red Bulls we've been waiting to see, with peerless Henry pulling the strings
Local hero: Defender Chris Albright won two MLS Cup titles in six seasons with the Galaxy
Next: Thursday vs. D.C. United, 5 p.m. (ESPN2)
Source: http://espn.go.com/blog/los-angeles/soccer/post/_/id/7618/mls-power-rankings-week-6-red-bulls-awaken