Iker Casillas
Yes! YES! ... This is how we're going to beat Barcelona. .... 100 Chinese kids. ... Let's see Messi score when he's got 50 of these guys crowded around him. ... Mourinho is a genius. ... What better way to fight the UNICEF conspiracy than with actual children? ... There is no better way. ... It is kind of weird that they all keep calling Cristiano "dad" though...
Fernando Torres
Dun-na-na! It's time for another adventure of Fernandooooo Gingerbread! Dun-na-na! ... "Help me Fernando Gingerbread! We're lost in a far away land and the only way we can get back home is if you break free from your shackles of goallessness and cast a spell to save us!" ... "Then I will use the power of the freckles and the candy canes to break free and score once again!" ... "Oh Fernando Gingerbread, you did it!" ... "I know I did. Now there is nothing holding me back from storming the castle of mean old Sir Strawberrynose. Fernando Gingerbread, awayyyyyyyyy!"
Gerard Pique
Oh God. ... I think I'm going to start bleeding from the head any second now. ... I hope this kid brought a rain coat...
Didier Drogba
Well hello there. It's time for the disgraces. ... First, second, third and last, I'm trying to give a press conference and Kalou's giant head is overpowering this whole thing. Can't he ever let me enjoy anything by myself? I think his cat is clawing my leg under the table too. This is a giant Kalou head f***ing disgrace! Why can't we just sell him for Joey Barton already? Get this cat off my leg!
Photos: Reuters, Getty
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